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    Short Stories

    “I’ve never been fired.”

    by Eric January 10, 2022
    written by Eric

    For more years than I can recall I’ve maintained that I’ve never been fired. In fact I’ve maintained this with such conviction for so long that when people would surprisingly ask, “Really?” I had no hesitation in explaining that the ONLY time was a falling out I had had with a company in which it was one of those television moments where we essentially said “You’re fired!/I quit!” at the same time.

    “I’ve never been fired.” Narrator: “He had.”

    Recently I had been talking with someone about personal history I had with a few old friends. I had made mention of how I used to work for two of them and… oh my… wait a minute… I… I… was…. fired by one of them? My modern world was shook. My truth for nearly 30 years was torn down as I was now explaining how between these two friends, not only had I been fired, but I was fired from one of my very first jobs.

    So a little background. I dropped out of high school my senior year amid a general atmosphere of malaise and indifference. Many I had known had dropped out and were making a living just fine, and in the ultimate act of instant gratification I figured “I can do what I waaaaaaant” with zero repercussion (this of course was not true.. but that’s a different post). Now with no school to burden me through the day, I was free to spend those hours however I wanted. With no money. Hmm, I feel I should have thought that through a bit longer.

    So enter said friends. My older brother had worked for Foremost Industrial for a short while as a telemarketer. I don’t recall him loving it, but I do remember he at least was able to pull in a few paychecks before moving onto something else. The friends I’m referring to were both a manager and director I believe. If they read this they know who they are and I’m sure they’ll love to correct this as I still talk to both of them on occasion. So they accepted my application and hired me on. Cronyism for the win!

    I start my first day, look at the call scripts, and get my call list. I’m selling machine tooling. “What the fuck is machine tooling?” If I remember one of them even told me in great detail what it is. Probably something like “you have machines that cut and stamp parts from raw castings. These machines use a variety of tools to do this and these tools either need to be replaced or have cutting implements that need replacing.” Or something similar. Needless to say….. I STILL had no idea what the fuck machine tooling was, but I was not deterred! I would sell the shit out of this!

    Or so I thought. I’d like to think there was a less effective salesman in the history of sales. Surely there was someone out there who actually COST a company money on his time working there.. more than he made them. Regardless, two weeks had gone by and I hadn’t made a single sale. Even more than this, I still didn’t know what the fuck machine tooling was. The plainly evident lack of sales did not escape my friend nee director. I was called into his office that Friday morning and fired. He was kind, he was compassionate, and most importantly his job was to make sure his sales floor was selling. He told me I didn’t need to finish out the day, and I’d still be paid my base rate. More over, and I don’t know that he’s ever heard this, I was relieved. I hated sales. I hated pushing something I didn’t understand to people who didn’t need it (they did of course. This was just my pre-judgment on telemarketing). Looking back on it, those were two of the most stressful weeks of my life.

    But we aren’t done yet.

    As I’m heading for the door, my manager (another friend) tells me “Good news! He said you can stay on as long as you make at least one sale!”

    “Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck..”

    – Eric

    I just wanted to go home, but I also didn’t want to let down a good friend. He not only got me the position to start with, but now went out of his way to vouch for me in an attempt to save my job. I was annoyed and exhausted, but I agreed with him over my back to make one sale.

    And to show just how bad of a salesman I am, I couldn’t do it. I listened to every cue, every suggestion, and if I remember right even got on the phone with my of my clients. I am to sales what Charlie Brown is to football. We got to the end of the day and my manager, defeated, said “Well at least we tried.”

    And we did. We tried.

    January 10, 2022 0 comment
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  • Misc Goofy Stuff

    Musical memories

    by Eric January 9, 2022
    by Eric January 9, 2022

    Some firsts that I can remember regarding music First recorded music I listened to: The Muppet Movie soundtrack First recorded…

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  • Short Stories

    When Darth Vader saved the day…

    by Eric January 8, 2022
    by Eric January 8, 2022

    We moved to Delafield in 1981. It would be the second of many moves throughout my childhood, though it would…

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  • Short Stories

    The Accidental Career

    by Eric January 7, 2022
    by Eric January 7, 2022

    To Use Real Names or Not… I will always talk about real parts of my life here. Nothing is invented…

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  • Short Stories

    Earliest memories..?

    by Eric January 6, 2022
    by Eric January 6, 2022

    My daughter has an exceptional memory of her past. She can recall events from as early as two years old…

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  • Short Stories

    2022 – A Story A Day

    by Eric January 5, 2022
    by Eric January 5, 2022

    Welcome.. I’ve been kicking around doing something new for myself. For years now I’ve craved the challenge of the new,…

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  • Fitness

    Paleo Challenge 2012

    by Eric September 16, 2012
    by Eric September 16, 2012

    Tomorrow I start the Lurong Living Paleo Challenge. I’ve mentioned this to plenty of people and I usually get the…

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  • Fitness

    The Endless Journey

    by Eric March 28, 2012
    by Eric March 28, 2012

    Two years ago I started exercising with the goal of losing weight. I lost ~18lbs due to my appendectomy, and…

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  • Fitness

    Finally weight loss pics

    by Eric August 2, 2010
    by Eric August 2, 2010

    So, I am posting pics finally.. mostly because I love this Kermit shirt!! I topped the scales at 205-210 by…

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  • Geek StuffSite Information

    You really LIKE me, Facebook

    by Eric April 21, 2010
    by Eric April 21, 2010

    Upgraded the site with a “Like” button for Facebook. You can now like individual posts or pages from the site.

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